||[Apr. 24th, 2006|11:46 am]
I have been quiet on LJ lately because something of a situation has built up and at the moment I don't really know what is happening with my life at all (in terms of career,purpose etc). I am writing this in Bolton Uni library waiting for a meeting with my tutor about what is going to happen.
Basically on the last week of term I got kicked out of my placement college for reasons which were partly my fault, partly not. (I got the impression they were more interested in demoralising me than supportng me -they got the impression I wasn't interested.)
It was all rather sudden and catastrophic - not very good for the self-esteem. Anyway in the process of trying to make sense of all this and in the course of a meeting with my tutor who was very supportive, the fact emerged which I had been staring me in the face but which I had dutifully tried to ignore, which was that I wasn't really all that interested in teaching ESOL. I liked the students and the teaching but something wasn't right. All the time I was thinking; but maybe I could teach English lit, maybe I could teach RE... the whole discipline of language teaching just doesn't really absorb or enthuse me. I said to myself that I have spent years doing what I want studying classics, now this ESOL isn't too bad so just get on with it and earn a living but this is not the attitude to bring to a new profession.
My tutor is suggesting that I transfer to the generic PGCE and specialise in humanities but I have had a meeting with the humanities tutor this morning and she seemed baffled and unenthusiastic about having a classicist on her course - she didn't think I would find a placement and didn't think I'd find a job. I am going to meet my tutor again this afternoon and maybe she will be able to clarify things a bit. I also have a list of colleges in the North West that do classics so I am going to trawl them to beg a placement.
At the moment I really don't know what's happening at all. If anyone has any constructive suggestions about what someone who has spent her life studying classics can do with herself (in the absence of academia throwing open its doors to me which I know is not something to be expected)I would be interested to hear.